So, here I am. Home at five for the first time in the last month. It's rather boring actually. Really, really, boring.
I suppose that isn't entirely too terrible though. I mean, if anything, this will give me a reason to blog again.
Another countdown has begun, another set of days until I once again, return to my roots. Last time was not exactly what you would call fun, but I think it will be different this time. I think that this go around, things will be alot better. I would say that's just false, guilty optimism, but I'm starting to convince myself otherwise. I mean, I know it isn't going to be fun the whole time I'm there...
but this will, overall, give me a chance to show them I've changed. That I'm a different person.
And honestly, I have a few people to thank for that.
There are people out there who have showed me what it means to be myself. There are people out there who have showed me that it's okay to show my feelings. There are people out there who have taught me that who I was, where I came from, what my past is, that all of those things don't make me excluded.
I have been shown that people really, truly care. Those people know who they are...and if they don't. I guess they could ask me if they are one of them.
Today was the last day for the IB senior class. I'm not one to cry at things like this, but I definitely will miss them. I know alot of things aren't going to be the same without them. I just hope that next year, people will have a reason to miss me. I hope that I inspire people with whatever it is I do, enough so that they will want to do the same when they are older.
I get that this feeling could be interpreted as being egocentric, and narcissistic, but I think that's okay with me.
Goodbye seniors...
you inspired me.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Musical Genius
So here I am, at the Auraria Campus Library, listening to a mousy, gray haired woman talk about researching full text art journals for someones extended essay.
Why am I here?
She is fumbling around with her computer, it would be entertaining if I weren't ten feet away from Mrs. Geimer, and some other somewhat intimidating library official with a fake smile plastered on his face.
I think he might have a crush on the woman speaking at the front. He laughs at everything she says, even the stuff that is in no way shape or form funny. Every once and awhile though, he stares at her with this longing kind of look. It's interesting to watch, for the sole reason that the woman has no idea.
She just keeps rambling on about databases that she doesn't really know about, but, "no worries," she tells us. "If you act like you own the place, no one questions you."
I am stuck here until two, maybe two thirty.
I have found a total of five books to start my bull shit essay on.
Some of them might actually be interesting to read. there is one called The History in Sound. It goes through protest worthy instances throughout the twentieth century, and analyzes the music used to represent them.
There is another one that discusses modern music, and that's okay and all, but what made this book special is that it breaks it down into genre.
Not the IB definition of genre, mind you, but the generally accepted one, like folk, rock, etc.
This one talks about social vs. anti-social genres and how that affects how it works for a protest nature. They talk about how rock and folk are social forms of protest music, while goth and heavy metal are anti-social. If anything, from this extended essay I will at least enjoy reading this.
The love stricken librarian man is staring at me. I think he realizes that I am not searching databases. that's fine by me though, I would search if they gave me something to search with. They've gone over every subject but mine
awesome.
I always find myself studying protests. I never really know why, it just happens. I never plan on it, but it finds me. I'm not sure as to whether I am happy about this or not.
Remember my ninth grade poetry project?
My teacher told me, protest is too general, punk rock isn't going to work.
Guess who got one hundred percent on her project?
I hope this works out for me.
Why am I here?
She is fumbling around with her computer, it would be entertaining if I weren't ten feet away from Mrs. Geimer, and some other somewhat intimidating library official with a fake smile plastered on his face.
I think he might have a crush on the woman speaking at the front. He laughs at everything she says, even the stuff that is in no way shape or form funny. Every once and awhile though, he stares at her with this longing kind of look. It's interesting to watch, for the sole reason that the woman has no idea.
She just keeps rambling on about databases that she doesn't really know about, but, "no worries," she tells us. "If you act like you own the place, no one questions you."
I am stuck here until two, maybe two thirty.
I have found a total of five books to start my bull shit essay on.
Some of them might actually be interesting to read. there is one called The History in Sound. It goes through protest worthy instances throughout the twentieth century, and analyzes the music used to represent them.
There is another one that discusses modern music, and that's okay and all, but what made this book special is that it breaks it down into genre.
Not the IB definition of genre, mind you, but the generally accepted one, like folk, rock, etc.
This one talks about social vs. anti-social genres and how that affects how it works for a protest nature. They talk about how rock and folk are social forms of protest music, while goth and heavy metal are anti-social. If anything, from this extended essay I will at least enjoy reading this.
The love stricken librarian man is staring at me. I think he realizes that I am not searching databases. that's fine by me though, I would search if they gave me something to search with. They've gone over every subject but mine
awesome.
I always find myself studying protests. I never really know why, it just happens. I never plan on it, but it finds me. I'm not sure as to whether I am happy about this or not.
Remember my ninth grade poetry project?
My teacher told me, protest is too general, punk rock isn't going to work.
Guess who got one hundred percent on her project?
I hope this works out for me.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
What to Tell Me
"You can't belittle your problems. I think yours are pretty big."
I once read in my Psychology book that something shouldn't be considered a phobia or a problem until it starts having an effect on your daily life. This is how I interpret a lot of things. Something really shouldn't be put into too much thought unless it starts having an effect on your everyday activities. The only problem with this state of mind, this way of thinking is that it sucks when you realize that something has crossed that line and has actually become a problem.
I think the discovery that you actually have something to worry about is worse than having the issue in the first place.
Not to say that I have a psychological issue, I mean, it's not like I've ever been analyzed by professionals, but I would like to assume that I am mostly sane.
I think everyone would like to assume that they are mostly sane.
So maybe something of mine has become a problem, because it affects my every day life, the question is;
How do I fix it, or make it better?
Someone told me to seek professional help, but honestly, I don't think I could deal with that. That sounds absolutely terrifying and doesn't seem to fit my problems at all.
My problems seem to obscurely fit into a Days of Our Lives script, and you don't see any of those people in therapy do ya?
Nah, I don't think that's for me. I feel like they will just want me to talk, but I think writing is better anyway. More or less theraputic in it's own way.
Then again, I write entirely in ambiguities and rarely ever in specifics, unless it's a quote, I like those.
Anyway, so if anything I guess that today, on my path to self discovery, that people think I have issues. Some people think I have major problems.
Do I agree with them?
Well, I guess eventually, with my Psychology-book-philosophy, all will be told in time.
I once read in my Psychology book that something shouldn't be considered a phobia or a problem until it starts having an effect on your daily life. This is how I interpret a lot of things. Something really shouldn't be put into too much thought unless it starts having an effect on your everyday activities. The only problem with this state of mind, this way of thinking is that it sucks when you realize that something has crossed that line and has actually become a problem.
I think the discovery that you actually have something to worry about is worse than having the issue in the first place.
Not to say that I have a psychological issue, I mean, it's not like I've ever been analyzed by professionals, but I would like to assume that I am mostly sane.
I think everyone would like to assume that they are mostly sane.
So maybe something of mine has become a problem, because it affects my every day life, the question is;
How do I fix it, or make it better?
Someone told me to seek professional help, but honestly, I don't think I could deal with that. That sounds absolutely terrifying and doesn't seem to fit my problems at all.
My problems seem to obscurely fit into a Days of Our Lives script, and you don't see any of those people in therapy do ya?
Nah, I don't think that's for me. I feel like they will just want me to talk, but I think writing is better anyway. More or less theraputic in it's own way.
Then again, I write entirely in ambiguities and rarely ever in specifics, unless it's a quote, I like those.
Anyway, so if anything I guess that today, on my path to self discovery, that people think I have issues. Some people think I have major problems.
Do I agree with them?
Well, I guess eventually, with my Psychology-book-philosophy, all will be told in time.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Hit Me Up
I havn't done this in awhile. Here is some hintage to my tunage.
"We'll sing love songs about heartbreak and grief. Sing it's not just music, but the pains not brief. We sing, how your love is like a knife in the back. Well I was stabbed and bleeding, but still begging for attack."
-Slow Glass, Noah & the Whale
"And I thought you were the moon in the sky, but it turned out you were just a street light. You were burning like a hole in the night. You were burning like a city of electric light."
-City of Electric Light, Chad VanGaalen
"I've got secrets from you, you've got secrets from me, because you're so worried about what I'm gonna think. Baby, I'm worried too."
-Paranoia in B Major, The Avett Brothers
"I saw you the other day, you were tearful but that's okay. I saw you the other day, and you were screaming with laughter but that's okay, because I do like you. I do like you today."
-Because I Do, Pearl and the Puppets
"We could do it all, and it'd all go faster. Things could multiply at apalling rates. Then we'd lose our heads and we'd still go faster, even on our birthdays."
-Lolita, Throw Me The Statue
"We're all scared. Gotta wonder what's out there, shooting down the ones who did what we wish we dared. Everybody's scared to karaoke in the open. Afraid we're not as special as what we might be hoping."
-So Bright, Superchic[k]
"Say what you mean. Is it a trick? Is it a lie? Well, am I to work? Am I to work to pay for your unexcurisons."
-Moments Before Sleep, Blue Roses
"The light was leaving, in the West it was blue. The Childrens laughter sang, skipping just like the stones they threw. The voices echoed across the way. It's getting late."
-Constelations, Jack Johnson
"Why don't you sit right down and stay awhile? We like the same things, and I like your style. It's not a secret. Why do you keep it? I'm just sitting on the shelf"
-Why Do You Let Me Stay Here, She & Him
"In early '99 I beat the Ocarina of Time. I'm quite the legend in this town,
my friends get wicked shit from all the foul-mouth fools you roll with. Just push your luck, there will be blood, most likely your own carnage."
-@!#?@!, Motion City Soundtrack
"I can't look at the rocket launch, trophy wives of the astronauts, and I won't listen to their words, cause I like birds."
-I Like Birds, Eels
"Save up all the days, a routine malaise. Just like yesterday, I told you I would stay. Would you always, maybe sometimes, make it easy? Take your time."
-Two Weeks, Grizzly Bear
"Working all day for a mean little man, with a clip on tie and a rub on tan. He's got me running round the office like dog around a track, but when I get back home you're always there to rub my back."
-Hey Julie, Fountains of Wayne
"We'll sing love songs about heartbreak and grief. Sing it's not just music, but the pains not brief. We sing, how your love is like a knife in the back. Well I was stabbed and bleeding, but still begging for attack."
-Slow Glass, Noah & the Whale
"And I thought you were the moon in the sky, but it turned out you were just a street light. You were burning like a hole in the night. You were burning like a city of electric light."
-City of Electric Light, Chad VanGaalen
"I've got secrets from you, you've got secrets from me, because you're so worried about what I'm gonna think. Baby, I'm worried too."
-Paranoia in B Major, The Avett Brothers
"I saw you the other day, you were tearful but that's okay. I saw you the other day, and you were screaming with laughter but that's okay, because I do like you. I do like you today."
-Because I Do, Pearl and the Puppets
"We could do it all, and it'd all go faster. Things could multiply at apalling rates. Then we'd lose our heads and we'd still go faster, even on our birthdays."
-Lolita, Throw Me The Statue
"We're all scared. Gotta wonder what's out there, shooting down the ones who did what we wish we dared. Everybody's scared to karaoke in the open. Afraid we're not as special as what we might be hoping."
-So Bright, Superchic[k]
"Say what you mean. Is it a trick? Is it a lie? Well, am I to work? Am I to work to pay for your unexcurisons."
-Moments Before Sleep, Blue Roses
"The light was leaving, in the West it was blue. The Childrens laughter sang, skipping just like the stones they threw. The voices echoed across the way. It's getting late."
-Constelations, Jack Johnson
"Why don't you sit right down and stay awhile? We like the same things, and I like your style. It's not a secret. Why do you keep it? I'm just sitting on the shelf"
-Why Do You Let Me Stay Here, She & Him
"In early '99 I beat the Ocarina of Time. I'm quite the legend in this town,
my friends get wicked shit from all the foul-mouth fools you roll with. Just push your luck, there will be blood, most likely your own carnage."
-@!#?@!, Motion City Soundtrack
"I can't look at the rocket launch, trophy wives of the astronauts, and I won't listen to their words, cause I like birds."
-I Like Birds, Eels
"Save up all the days, a routine malaise. Just like yesterday, I told you I would stay. Would you always, maybe sometimes, make it easy? Take your time."
-Two Weeks, Grizzly Bear
"Working all day for a mean little man, with a clip on tie and a rub on tan. He's got me running round the office like dog around a track, but when I get back home you're always there to rub my back."
-Hey Julie, Fountains of Wayne
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